Diamonds in the flesh

​What if you had a diamond, the most beautiful diamond in the world. We’re talking 30, okay - 50 carats of pure color, cut and clarity.

Straight up beautiful, almost priceless… but it’s completely covered in shit.

Not sprinkled with just a little baby feces on it. That gem, well, it’s been sitting in a vat of adult and animal dukey doo, in the hot sun for a while now. I mean it’s dried on, fully offensive, knock you out stank.

There is no way possible to retrieve that diamond and to not get any of it on you.

You don’t have the luxury of hazmat gear. OK, I’ll give you a pair of safety glasses and a pair of yellow house gloves so at least it doesn’t get in your eyes or under your nails.

Even with the glasses, your eyes water.

And your nose fills with the putrid smell so much so that you think can taste it. You will never be able to forget that smell or the taste.

As you scrub and wash that diamond clean, shit water flows everywhere. It gets in your hair. It gets on your clothing; you even feel it on your skin.

But you’re focused; you put in the time. You believe no matter what shit you have to go through, you will finally get it to shine bright.

While your diamond is sitting in its final rinse, the time has come for you to clean yourself up.

You strip your clothes from your body and burn them. There is no saving them.

You take several showers with antiseptics and cleansers and shampoo and skin softeners to hopefully wash away the feeling shit on you.

And even though you wore gloves, you scrub your nails raw.

Finally, you’re cleaned up, your diamond is gleaming pretty…

But you can still smell the smells. You still remember the horrific sight.

And you’re afraid that every time you look at that diamond, all you will see is the shit.

That memory of being elbows deep in shit and disgusting decay is burned in your brain.

The diamond is probably sitting on your mantle piece, and you feel very lucky to found it. But you know what you had to go through to get it and you can’t seem to separate the memory of the work from the reward… damm fam.

And let’s not pretend -

You think everyone else will only see shit too.

You’re afraid you will never be able to forget what you had endure to have a clean diamond.

You’re afraid that those that haven’t found their diamonds will laugh and talk about how long and hard you scrubbed.

You’re hurt by the comments of those that had their diamonds given to them, those with unearned extra gems as they attempt to critique your jewel’s quality and beauty that’s ten times larger than theirs.

What cuts really deep are the words of those that know how difficult it was to even keep going.

They act like you supposed to have it hard or look down on you because “how dare you complain about shit when we had shit and didn’t complain” or that you think you special because you hate the ugliness and stank of the shittiest shit you’ve had to got through.

Because you watched so many others collect jewels without having to deal with the same shit you did, righteous anger bubbles inside.

The unevenness of all; the unfairness.

I want you to know something and please hear me clearly-

Know that they don’t have your diamond or know it’s true value… only you do.

They don’t have the lesson of how strong one must be to shine through shit… you do.

They don’t have the self-compassion to look upon that necessary work with an unconditional loving eye… but you do.

They don’t have people, willing people that love them and will comfort them and help them clean that shit up in the midst of the most nastiest of times… but you do.

I know it is hard to believe, yet, just when it seems too much, and seem unlikely, there will come a moment in time, when you will let your own gaze float across the room, unconcerned with what anyone else sees.

And you will catch your diamond shining in the Light, so pretty it might take your breath away.

Behold the beauty of what you worked to have and know that’s the only thing you‘ll see.

And while my heart may break for you while you learn this lesson, and it truly, truly does, I know the power of this.

In no way am I attempting to minimize the hurt this may bring or how tired of scrubbing you may get… it sucks that you learn this lesson, this way. For this, this moment where you’ll find the Truth of you.

Because just like that rare and priceless diamond, no one can take this hellified, gloriously messy and ultimately victorious lesson from you. It is yours and yours alone. And that makes me unbelievably happy for you.

Just be patient… and keep scrubbing.
Oh, and keeping it 100 : If someone is not comforting or encouraging you as you wade through this shit, if they haven’t come to help you do better in the next moment than you did in the last, if they try to bring their asked for version of tough love, if they are not helping you seek solutions or peace, they are not your friend and don’t give a fuck about your diamond.

Tell em to kick rocks and have a blessed day.

Stefanie B.