Tell The Truthe & Shame The Devil

​Sometimes, when you are in the sharing Life’s Lessons business, you can get a little cocky.  You know you’ve put in the time and the energy to let Life teach you a thing or two, believe yourself to be a bit further down the journey.

So, you can imagine I’m a bit salty that I have to be at this lesson… again.

See, I’ve been reconsidering, one of the hardest easy lessons I would ever have.

Not rehashing or relearning. It’s a reconsideration. Meaning, I’m folding in an additional perspective view based on new experiences.

Much like Anger or Sadness, Guilt can be a healthy negative emotion, if it’s proportional and appropriate.

And contrary to popular belief, Guilt and Shame are not synonymous. Guilt helps us weigh the gravity, responsibility and correctability of our actions.

In other words, Guilt can help us do better, by reminding us to be better. Plus, Guilt doesn’t need my help to survive.

But Shame…

Shame, on the other hand, Shame always needs an accomplice.

Shame, the tragic bish that it is, attempts to shut you down and make you reluctant to share yourself with the world. It is designed to keep you separate, alone and afraid.

If I’m being honest, I’m feeling a little shame-y right now and there is nothing healthy about it. It’s also brought with it an overly critical inner voice and a smidge of low self-esteem. As if I already didn’t self-censor enough.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

So, you know what that means… Time to be a snitch.

The only way I have ever found to rid myself of the toxicity of Shame; is to tell on it when I see it; expose it to the light of day.

Cause as much as I like watching Buffy & the galaxy of Star Treks reruns, I’m not letting Shame have me watching them while I’m curled into a fetal position waiting for some magical cure that it tells me I don’t deserve and my *anxiety tells me is never coming anyway.

What does it want me to hide?

Weeellll, it’s the handling of writing and studying and working all at the same time while I’m coming to terms with my *anxiety and depression and the dealing with new levels of what good mental health looks like in front of God & errybody for me.

OH GAWD THAT FEELS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER.

Now deeeeeeeeep stretch,

Deep, deep, deep breath in

Hold 2, 3, 4…

Exhale

Okay, I’m good.

Yeppers, I’m telling on Shame, often & always. PERIODT

I’m also telling on it because Shame is BFFs with Embarrassment & Humiliation; they kinda all swim in a special sauce together.

And since I have no desire to take a dip in that pool today, I’m snitching on Embarrassment too.

My new mantra:

At any given moment, I am actively working to accept that I am at the axis of good fucking shit and not that bad.

Note to self; I like saying this better than “I like my new normal”.

I know what you’re thinking: Yes, it probably would look better in my journal.

And yes, I only needed to share the mantra with you.

But I learned a looooong time ago: you can’t save your face and your ass at the same time.

And I kinda like my ass.

Listen: you don’t have to shout your most embarrassing, humiliating, cringey-iest secrets to the rooftops or retraumatize yourself by deep diving into it in front of others for likes and shares.

But you DO have to talk about it, with someone you trust, someone you believe has your best interest at heart.

Seriously, you will instantly feel better, and your inner wisdom will thank you.

Find you a safe space boo-boo. Cause you can best believe I’ve got mine.

 Stefanie B.